I remember reading how a person should smile, even (or especially) when they’re sad. Then they’ll trick their brain into thinking they’re happy, and soon happiness will follow.

I call bullshit. At some point, we’re all pulled into playing into facades, fooling others and feigning joy — often in an attempt to even fool ourselves.

I’ve had some thoughts crop up after reading the recent sorrowful stories of the celebrity souls—Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain specifically—who’ve chosen to call it quits on life. People quietly suffer from depression and anxiety everyday, which is why it’s so important for this commentary to become more mainstream. The stigmas have to go.

In C.S’. Lewis’ “Problem of Pain,” he writes:

“Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say ‘My tooth is aching’ than to say ‘My heart is broken.'”

I found so much truth in his words. But I was compelled to ask myself, Why? Is it more difficult to admit mental or emotional pain over physical because of our environment? Is it because of the imminent shame-inducing stigmatism slapped onto a human being by a society meant to embrace as soon as the ostentatious and flighty construct of “normalcy” is threatened?

Then I ask, What’s the source of it all? From what I’ve experienced and learned from others, I extrapolate that it all derives from one pervading source: fear.

When we choose fear, we dismiss love. And what greater opportunity is there to love when we experience a person who’s hurting? Some carry hurt so very insidious, we have no idea how deeply it runs within their soul.

Humans have a natural inclination toward visuals; it’s a common way to process the physical world we’re journeying through. But what if we stepped back: what would happen if we looked past the full-toothed smiles and the gentle crow feet lines framing the eyes of a laugher — and really saw people?

You’ve probably heard it, but it bears repeating: sometimes the people who appear happiest are hurting the most. Some people may have kept up a smile for years, hoping that happiness would follow, as they’ve been told time and again. But then it doesn’t. And then perhaps they feel shame for being so sad or hurt or anxious. A seemingly never-ending cyclical pattern of shame and fear.

Mental illness is not shameful. Shame thrives in the dark. Shame leads to despair, and despair can lead to giving up.

My point is not that smiles are false. They often indicate joy or happiness. My point is that a smile can also be a thinly veiled mask to hide its wearer’s pain. I’ve done it often. You can also be momentarily joyful while holding a chronic, deep sadness in your heart at the same time. Humans are dynamic beings.

I think we all maintain some form of shame or insecurity we carry with us. What I’m suggesting is this: let’s shine light on our so-called “shame” and eradicate it completely. And let’s help others do the same with theirs.

Peace and love always,

smb