Last night I drove to my twin sister’s place. She sat in the passenger seat beside me and we chatted about everything and nothing, as we do. We unpacked truths and reflected on where we were and where we’re currently at.

Then she gave me one of the highest compliment I feel I could receive: she said I finally seem like myself again, and she’s glad. I asked what that means to her: her first thought is that I’m funny again.

You see, humor and I go way back. Growing up, I would do anything at the expense of other people’s laughter — being silly was a huge part of my identity. It still is. But I stray from humor when I feel down, insecure, foreign, out of place. My humor derives from confidence, so seasons of sadness and low-esteem cause the silliness to retreat.

I feel deeply, and perhaps come across as “serious” to some who experience that part of me (chances are, I’m just in my head. There’s a lot of exploration to be had in there!). It comes with the whole package labeled “old soul” and “over-analyzer.” I love that part of me too. But when you get a glimpse of my humor — you get a better glimpse into who I am.

This week I received various compliments that were so soul-filling, at one point I actually cried when I reflected upon it later! I was overwhelmed with gratitude.

So when my twin—who knows me deeply—said this, I saw how those aforementioned words of affirmation were completely informed by the foundational change of returning back to myself, boldly and lovingly.

All this to say —  if you feel like you’re not quite “you,” take a deep dive inward and see what’s holding you back from authenticity and truly loving yourself. It’s time to dismantle the lies that come in the form of unworthiness, inadequacy, being or thinking too much, etc. God created you with intention, knitted you together with love.

There’s so much goodness to be had when we show up fully and no longer seek external validation. Though it can be soooo wonderful to receive kudos from others, it should merely affirm what we already know to be true about ourselves.

-smb